Don't Do Drugs

Extremely DEA voice

Listen mister, I know why you’re here. It’s no secret.


You’re red-eyed and grumbly-stomached. You haven’t gotten off the couch since the damn pizza guy showed up. You’re blaming The Man for this being the first blog post in 10 months. You haven’t called your mother in weeks, have you? You know that today’s offering is made with the Devil’s Lettuce. That’s why you’re here. You’re chasing that sweet, sweet marijuana high, you freakin stoner.

Coalition Brewing, a “brewery” hereby placed under “federal investigation”, makes this beer with a marijuana-derived cannabinoid called cannabidiol (CBD). This isn’t THC, the one you stoners use when you go on joyrides in your European vans and steal from small business owners. This is CBD, the “weak ass shit” that civilians use instead of slamming oxycodone like a normal American Hero.

Normal (very sexy) Philippe voice

Yikes, that guy sucked. Unlike this beer!

This has become my go-to IPA. I genuinely don’t know if the CBD in it has any actual effect. “I feel better after I have a beer” might be because the alcohol briefly makes me forget about global warming. But let me tell you about it.

The mouthfeel/texture of the beer itself is whatever the opposite of ‘crunchy’ is. Oily? The hoppy bitterness sticks around for a long time. It’s dank. It’s legit. Get a growler of it and drink it all. You freak.